Warning: May Irritate Harry Potter Characters
by fairytalefantasistx3
Summary: Ever wanted to know how to cause the Harry Potter characters to spontaneously combust? No? Ah, well - I've decided to tell you anyway. Ten ways to annoy the heck out of each Harry Potter character... read, enjoy, and please review!
1. Hermione Granger

**A/N I had a really strong urge to write this – and you can't say no to my urges. And yes, I know… this has been done at least a hundred times. One more time won't hurt, will it?**

**The title _was_ going to be Warning: May Cause Harry Potter Characters To Spontaneously Combust but apparently that was too long :( Thanks to busybee6563 (jessykarr!) for helping me to come up with something original for something that's an unoriginal idea - even though the title was too long anyway.**

**I have no idea how many I'll do, but here's the first…**

1. Hermione Granger

10. Tell her that actually, there's an organisation just like SPEW – PEE. Protection of Endangered Elves.

9. Spill pumpkin juice on Hogwarts: A History.

8. Sing 'I don't think you're ready for this jelly, my body's too bootylicious for ya babe...' whever she opens her mouth.

7. Switch her homework around with Goyle's.

6. Go to the house she lives in with the parents and say "Well. The house elf isn't doing a very good job, is he? I've heard hitting them on the head with a lamp works wonders!"

5. Invite her and Rita Skeeter to a tea party.

4. While she's sleeping, draw the Dark Mark on her arm.

3. Say 'HermyHermyHermy' repeatedly while she is trying to do homework.

2. Encourage Madam Pince to enforce a 'one book at a time' rule in the Hogwarts library.

1. Start a rumour about Ron... and Pansy Parkinson... and a broom cupboard...

.x.

**A/N Like it? Hate it? Let me know if you think I should keep going or not… please review! Look at that nice, shiny purple button, just waiting to be pressed…**


	2. Ron Weasley

2. Ron Weasley

10. Tell Lav-Lav that Won-Won desperately wants her back.

9. Call Hermione a mudblood.

8. Sweeping her in to your arms and kissing her senseless will also work.

7. Make you and Harry matching 'Best Buds' badges.

6. Attach Lavender's necklace to his forehead with a Permanent Sticking charm.

5. Shout 'RUN! HE'S ON FIRE!' whenever he walks down the corridor.

4. Convince Trelawney that he asked if he could do a dream diary through the holidays.

3. Agree to meet him somewhere – and be there snogging Ginny.

2. Talk about Viktor Krum's amazingly toned butt.

1. Delay the sorting (and therefore the feast) by standing up each time someone is sorted and shouting 'I object, your honour!'

0. Sing the Slytherin version of 'Weasley is our King'. Non-stop. Continuously. _All the time._

* * *

**A/N Yes I know, I put in a zero – but I had eleven I really wanted to write! :) Thanks so much for all the reviews last chapter...please review! Next is Voldie :)**


	3. Lord Voldermort

3. Lord Voldermort

10. At the next Death Eater meeting, insist every one needs to get to know each other. Stick a 'HELLO, My name is…' sticker on his chest and write Moldywart in the gap. When he is about to curse you, insist that you just got your alphabet all mixed up.

9. Start doing The Time Warp during the Death Eater meeting. When he doesn't join in, shout 'Come on, Voldie! It's the pelvic thrust coming up now...really drives you insaaaaane!'

8. Ask him why he doesn't just push Harry off a cliff and get it over with.

7. Tell all the Death Eaters that Bellatrix and Voldermort have a 'thing going on'.

6. When Death Eaters ask what the thing is, wiggle eyebrows suggestively.

5. Tell him that Harry Potter has just died. He choked on a Pumpkin Pasty.

4. Stick a sign on his back saying 'I'm too sexy for my shirt.'

3. Ask him if he'd pose for a signed photo with Harry. Tell him Harry already agreed.

2. Ask him why he dresses so emo. Hand him a voucher to use at a clothes shop, saying it's 'For your own good, my Lord.'

1. When he says 'I am going to kill you, Harry Potter' gasp and say 'dun dun duuuuun!'

* * *

**A/N Thanks for the reviews! Please let me know what you think! **

**But it's the pelvic thruuuuust, that really drives you insaaaane. Let's do the Timewarp agaaaain****!**


	4. Severus Snape

Severus Snape

10. Discover a potion he hasn't heard of and insist you take him through step by step how to make it, speaking in a condescending voice.

9. Ask him if he's a bitter old man because of the fact that Harry Potter's mommy broke his heart.

8. Gather a large crowd around him and convince them that he really is a bat animagus. Poke him with a stick when he doesn't perform.

7. After he tells someone off, clap and shout 'young wizards these days, eh Sev?'

6. Remind him firmly after seeing Draco Malfoy leave his office that 'student-teacher relationships are firmly forbidden'.

5. Whenever he shakes his head or flicks his hair, shout 'Yay, it's snowing!'

4. Sing 'I'm A Barbie Girl' continuously through your potions class. If possible, ask Harry Potter to be Ken and Hermione Granger to be Barbie. Ask Neville Longbottom to sing backup.

3. After he touches your stirring spoon in Potions, take it away from him and wipe the handle on your robes pointedly.

2. When he tells you to add an ingredient to your potion, refuse and moan about 'using precious materials for trivial matters'.

1. Doodle all over your Potions homework. 'I Heart Harry Potter' is particularly effective.

* * *

**A/N Thanks for the reviews, keep 'em coming please! Character requests, anybody?**


	5. Ginny Weasley

Ginny Weasley

10. Tell her she's 'just a _little_ girl.'

9. Say, 'So…I hear you were Voldie's bitch back in your first year…

8. Tell someone in a loud whisper when Ginny's nearby that Harry Potter is a 'stupid, four-eyed, conceited, big-headed, ugly, dumb, cocky git' .

7. Give her a charmed diary for her birthday. Write inside it 'With love to Ginny, from Tom. I thought we could recreate our fun in first year, Ginny dear!'

6. Ask to see Arnold the Pygmy Puff. Look at him thoughtfully and say 'But what does he _do_ though?'

5. Praise Cho Chang's hair/eyes/Quidditch skills/face/sense of humour/dress/left nostril…

4. Leave her out of a plan. Pair it with the killer 'You're just too young, Ginny'. Alternatively, use the 'It's too dangerous for you' line.

3. Tell her Harry's moved to Cuba. When she asks sceptically whereabouts in Cuba, tell her Scar-Boy-A-Go-Go Land.

2. Persuade Mrs Weasley that she'd love to share a room with Fleur when she comes to visit.

1. Use the Bat Bogey Hex – performing it better than she can.

* * *

**A/N Thanks for the reviews! Harry, Luna and Draco are all up soon :)**


	6. Draco Malfoy

**A/N It's been far too long, I know. But this story isn't one of my priorities, so updates aren't going to be frequent. Anyway, here's Draco! Reviews, please?

* * *

**Draco Malfoy

10. Tell him that your invite to his and Moaning Myrtle's wedding must have got lost in the post, and would he kindly send another one?

9. Ask him if his parents dropped him on his head when he was born.

8. Because he's only an 'honorary member' ask if that means he has to pay for the Death Eater mask himself.

7. Call him 'little ferret'.

6. Tell him that Potter thinks his mother's a hottie.

5. Ask him who his _bestest _friend is out of Crabbe and Goyle.

4. Insist that he and Hermione have such a love-hate relationship.

3. Cut most of the hair off a Barbie doll, dress it in black robes and stick a label on it saying 'Draco'.

2. Offer to give him anger management classes.

1. Send him a rose during the morning post with a note attached saying 'With love from dear, sweet Harrykins.' Take the note and wave it around, so everyone in the hall can see it. Including Harry Potter.


	7. Minerva McGonagall

Minerva McGonagall

10. Sneak up behind her and yank her hair out of her bun.

9. Wink suggestively when you see her talking to Snape.

8. Call her Minnie. Minnie Mouse is especially effective.

7. Say 'hem hem' in class at regular intervals, then look around the room nonchalantly.

6. When she asks you to demonstrate to the class, yell 'Abracadabra' and flourish your wand. Look pleased with yourself, whatever the results.

5. 'Accidentally' demolish her office.

4. Try to over rule her authority (in other words – do an Umbridge)

3. Walk through the corridors at night and when you see her yell 'Run, Professor, run! Snape's patrolling and he won't like to see you out of bed. We're low on points as it is'.

2. Follow her around the castle, humming Christmas Carols – in July.

1. On the rare occasion she makes a joke, tut and lecture her about 'professionalism in the workplace'.


	8. Harry Potter

**A/N Well, here he is…Harry :)**

Harry Potter

10. Dress up as Voldermort and jump out at him making loud 'oooh'ing noises.

9. Prod him repeatedly. When he yells at you, blink and say 'Why so stressed, Harry? Deep breaths, deep breaths'.

8. Make frequent 'your mom' jokes.

7. Ask him if he's made a will – tell him to 'put you down for the firebolt'.

6. Tell Rita Skeeter all about his third nipple, crush on Romilda Vane and how he keeps a picture of his parents under his pillow to take out and kiss during the night.

5. Shoot Voldermort with a gun and walk up to him and say 'Well, I don't know why you were making such a fuss, Potter. That was as easy as Ginny Weasley.'

4. Ask him to pose for a photo shoot in Witch Weekly.

3. When he's fighting with Draco, push yourself between them and say 'Come on guys, group hug!'

2. Ask Dobby to follow him around, and whenever anyone walks up to him, get Dobby to leap in front of him and say 'NO! You will NOT harm Harry Potter!'

1. Follow him when he's about to go to battle with Voldermort humming the James Bond theme tune.


	9. Sirius Black

**A/N I've decided to do most of the Marauders + Lily now, so they'll all be up in a couple of days! Oh, and they're all supposed to be at about age fifteen, sixteen. Enjoy :)**

Sirius Black

10. Tell him you've heard his lady skills leave something to be desired.

9. Run your hand's through Snape's hair and say 'Wow. That _is_ luscious!'

8. Refer to him as 'Potter's Sidekick'.

7. After examining his actions for half an hour, say 'Wow. You're just like your mother…great woman, great woman'.

6. Spread a rumour that he and Lily were 'loving it up' in the Forbidden Forest – make sure James hears of it.

5. Tell him that only seven year olds and criminals have gang nicknames.

4. If he gets a good mark, call him a nerd.

3. If he gets a bard mark, call him a loser.

2. Invite him and his entire family (including 'Dearest Bella') around for Christmas dinner.

1. Ask him if he's serious. Over and over again.


	10. Lily Evans

**A/N Ahh…this one was fun. I adore Lily, I really do, but she'd be so fun to annoy. I really wanted to carry on to minus numbers, but I managed not to :)**

* * *

Lily Evans

10. Sing very loudly in to her ear. Stop when she tells you to. Then start again. Then stop. Repeat until her face is as red as her hair, and say 'Oh, Lily! That was _annoying_ you? Don't be so afraid to say something!'

9. Tell her she's in love with James Potter (when everyone knows she's so _obviously _not).

8. Follow her around singing 'She's a maneater, make you work hard…' in reference to her relationship with James Potter (who, once again, she _so _doesn't love).

7. Refer to her as 'that mudblood'.

6. Ask her if she ever has any fun.

5. Flirt with James Potter (who Lily isn't in love with. Really.)

4. Write 'Lily loves James' over her textbooks. And James' textbooks. And the tables. And the toilet cubicle walls…

3. Cross out her name on her homework and change it to Potter.

2. Lock her in a broom closet with James Potter and make bets loudly outside about how long it takes her to curse him.

1. Make said bet 'less than two minutes'.


	11. James Potter

James Potter

10. Tell him that both Sirius and Snape have much better hair.

9. Ask him what on earth possessed him to wear trousers that were quite so tight during the Quidditch match.

8. Tell him that yeah, he can fly a broomstick, but can he do ballet? Ask him repeatedly to show his skills at ballet, and when he doesn't, hold it against him as something he'd bad at.

7. Ask him what respectable teenager calls his friends 'Paddy and Moony'.

6. Tell him loudly that same sex crushes are perfectly normal at his age.

5. Refuse to go to Hogsmeade with him (will only work if your name is Lily Evans)

4. Wake up early in the morning and remove any signs of the prank he secretly pulled during the night.

3. Pretend Lily's finally agreed to go on a date with him. When he asks when, yell 'gotcha, sucker!'

2. Get some hair gel on your hands and press down firmly on to his head. Watch in amusement as he gets increasingly stressed out about the 'un-messiness'.

1. Talk loudly about how hot Snape is.

* * *

**A/N Lioness-of-Tortall-7, thanks for the idea :) I think I might try that next chapter. Thanks for the reviews everyonw, keep them coming please!**


	12. Percy Weasley

**A/N Okay, so the part after the list in this chapter is just an **_**experiment. **_**Just to see how you like it. It was suggested in a review and I thought it was a great idea, so I decided to try it. Is it good? Bad? Please let me know. Hope you enjoy it!**

Percy Weasley

10. Push him in one of Fred and George's portable swamps.

9. Tell him that only under-achievers get girlfriends during their school years.

8. Draw a moustache on his photo of Penelope Clearwater.

7. Dance around him singing 'Perfect Prefect Pompous Percy.' The tune should be improvised, and slightly different every time.

6. Tell him that the odds are 80-1 that the Minister for Magic will ever be a redhead. Offer to dye his hair pink.

5. Say 'Wow! You're a Prefect? I'd never have thought it!' Shake your head in disbelief, poking his badge to check if it's real.

4. Introduce him to everyone very high up in the Ministry as 'Weatherby'.

3. Ask him for an explanation of the different types of cauldrons. When he begins, pretend to snore.

2. Tell him he's your least favourite Weasley.

1. Frame him for something he hasn't done. Watch with glee as he's stripped of his Prefect badge.

.x.

Percy hadn't had the best of all days. He was a Prefect, he deserved to be respected. But did the students of Hogwarts show him respect? Of course they didn't.

He was on his way to breakfast, disciplining several first years on the way, when he first spotted it. One of those dreadful portable swamps his twin brothers had invented. So of course, like the good, responsible Prefect he was, he walked over to it. His brothers were stood there, selling the monstrosities. Everyone else said he was _asking _to be pushed in. He wasn't! He was merely saying they should clean it up sharpish before he gave them all detention. That didn't mean Fred had to push him in, did it?

So he walked back to the common room and cleared himself up, muttering as he did so. His girlfriend, the always-sensible, always-responsible (much like Percy himself, in fact) Penelope Clearwater sat down next to him and patted his arm comfortingly, when a snotty third year boy yelled something about under-achievers. Percy Weasley is _not _an under-achiever! And having a girlfriend wouldn't affect that at all!

Nevertheless, he hastily told Penelope to go down to breakfast. He pulled out his photograph of her when she'd done so and gazed at it adoringly (not in a sickeningly awful way, of course) until the very same third year snatched the photo out of his hands and ran away with it cackling! And when he eventually brought it back, there was a thick black moustache on his beautiful girlfriend's face! He ran after the boy of course, but he'd escaped before Percy could demand his name. He was probably too scared of Percy. He is rather tough and menacing, after all.

He eventually sat down at the table for breakfast next to Penelope and began to pile food on to his plate. The two of them were having a jolly interesting chat about 'magical laws introduced in the twentieth century' when Fred and George began to dance around behind Percy, singing some awful song about him, terribly out of tune. And there wasn't even a rhythm, or a beat! Now, Percy can enjoy a lovely sing-song like the best of them, but he cannot abide public displays of _disrespect _for Prefects. And he's their big brother! They refused to go away until he threatened to write to their mother, which is when they hurried away.

Percy had Defense Against the Dark Arts straight after breakfast, so he walked there quickly – he wouldn't want to be late, obviously! They were discussing careers as Aurors when the professor asked Percy whether he was planning to pursue a career in the Auror profession. So Percy replied, not in a snobby way at all, that he was actually planning to become Minister for Magic. Then an incredibly cheeky Slytherin piped up that the odds are 80-1 that the Minister for Magic will ever be a redhead like Percy! The cheek of that boy! And then he even dared to ask Percy whether he wanted his hair dyed pink! Well, what else could Percy do except for take points from Slytherin house?

There was a Prefect meeting at lunchtime, so Percy – as always – hurried there, not wanting to miss a minute. When asked, rather rudely, by his brother Ronald where he was running off to, Percy replied that as he was a Prefect, he had a meeting to attend. Ronald was incredibly out of line when he doubted mockingly that Percy was a real prefect, even having the nerve to prod Percy's badge! (Of course, Percy rubbed the badge clean as soon as he turned the corner. It had become frightfully marked with fingerprints.)

Percy had forgotten all his troubles by the time he'd arrived at the meeting – Mr Crouch was there to listen! _Mr Crouch! _He sat up smartly as he waited for someone to introduce him, and stuck his hand out politely as Crouch came towards him, escorted by Jonathan Keen. Jonathan was Percy's main rival for Head Boy next year, even though Percy was, of course, far more deserving. Jonathan introduced him to Mr Crouch – as Percy Weatherby! Percy quickly corrected him, but the damage was done. Crouch called him Weatherby for the rest of the meeting.

Percy stayed behind after the meeting to 'socialise with his peers'. He is a very popular and social boy, after all. He was thrilled when Jonathan asked him to explain the different types of cauldrons, but he was incredibly cross when the rude boy began to pretend to snore. That boy is absolutely not deserving of a Prefect badge, let alone a Head Boy badge – if he does get it. Percy is, once again, far more deserving.

He was walking to the common room when he took points from a few young Ravenclaws. They asked loudly 'who he thought he was' and then proceeded to tell Percy he was their least favourite of the Weasleys.

But all of this faded in to obscurity a couple of hours later. It's all too horrible to explain, but some little _toe rag_ blamed Percy for the graffiti all over the classroom in which the meeting had been. Percy suspects Jonathan Keen. And McGonagall actually made Percy un-pin his Prefect badge and hand it to her, saying she was stripping his role as a Prefect from him for the rest of the week!

It was Percy's worst day ever.

* * *

**A/N Wow, that turned out a lot longer than it was going to be. I was only planning on doing a paragraph. Anyway, please let me know what you think and if I should carry on with the writing as well as the list in the next chapter (I might go back to the previous ones too, and add them in). PLEASE review, it really makes my day!**


End file.
